Ruby's Mustard Pickles

I love, love, love Autumn. It's the perfect time of year for me - not too hot, not too cold, not as busy as summer, not as dreary as winter. I think the landscape is at its most gorgeous now, too. The first hard frost has hit, so all the low bushes have turned a deep red. And all the trees are starting to come out in their glory. You'd think we like our scenery best in Spring, during its rebirth, but no - it is in the height of nature's maturity when its beauty is paramount. Maybe we should remember that next time we see a white hair; we're not getting old, we're maturing! I'll try to remember that when my hair is snow white. ;)

Anyway, back to the frivolities. I'm most active in cooking in the Fall. Usually it's been too damn hot to cook anything elaborate in the summer, so now I make up for lost time. Also, it seems as though everything in the garden is ready at once, and you can't let it go bad....so preserves it is!

See that? That ain't no hothouse cuke - that monster is home grown, for sure. You try eating a garden full of these bohemeths before they go bad - can't be done! Enter mustard pickles, my favourite of all. I remember eating them since I was wee, and that gorgeous smell of pickles simmering is indelibly linked with Fall. And now I'm going to share my family recipe with you! (For those of you wondering, Ruby is my auntie. The recipe is hers.)

It's pretty easy, actually. Finely dice your cucumbers, red peppers, and onions. Add salt and water, and let sit 2-3 hours (or if you're lazy like me, overnight). Drain and rinse a couple of times, and then get your sauce ready.



There they are, all ready to go. I used the food processor for the onions, but don't use it for the cukes or peppers - it'll chop them into mush. I used 7 of those giant cukes pictured above, and it filled my biggest stock pot 2/3rds full. It's times like these I wish I had a minion or two.

Next, you make the sauce. It's simple, too - add a bunch of dry ingredients, including dry mustard, flour, and sugar - to a pot, dump in some vinegar, and let simmer until it thickens.



Combine the sauce with the pickles. Mmmmmmm. Just looking at it I can remember how good the entire house smelled. Keep these bad boys hot for at least 30 minutes, and then bottle them all while still hot - the jars will seal themselves that way. If you want to go through the whole canning procedure, knock yourself out, but my Mom never does and neither do I. And we're all still alive, so there.

I got 16 jars out of this batch, which is enough for me and enough for presents. If you don't have a lot of pickles or have a lot you want to give away, get the little decorative jars. That way, you still look generous and wow people with your mad picklin' skillz, but above all it's still more for you. ;)

Ruby's Mustard Pickles

4-6 cucumbers, seeded and diced
3 red peppers, diced
4-6 medium onions, diced
1 cauliflower (optional)*
1/2 - 3/4 cup table salt**

Sauce:

3/4 cup flour
1 1/2 - 2 tsp celery seed
4 cups vinegar
4 cups white sugar
1/4 cup dry mustard
1 1/2 - 2 tbsp tumeric

This recipe will make around 8 jars, 2 cups each. Doubling or tripling works well, as long as you have a big enough pot.

1. Dice all your veggies and place them in a large pot. Do not use a food processor for either cukes or peppers.

2. Add salt to the veggies, and add enough water to cover them. Let stand 2-3 hours.

3. Drain veggies and rinse well, 2-3 times. If you skip the rinsing step, they will be too salty. Set pot aside while you make the sauce.

4. To make the sauce, add all dry ingredients to a large pot. Add vinegar in two stages, stirring well after each addition. If your sauce has any lumps, simply use an immersion blender or a hand mixer to beat them out. Everything should come out smooth, though, as it heats up.

5. Cook the sauce on low medium heat until it thickens, stirring occasionally. This may take as much as 30 minutes, so don't be alarmed if it doesn't thicken right away. Once it begins, the thickening process will happen quickly, so don't leave it unattended at this point.

6. Add sauce to veggies, and keep the whole pot hot on low heat for at least 30 minutes. Immediately fill clean jars with the hot pickles; they will seal themselves. If any jars don't seal, simply eat them first!

*My mom always puts cauliflower in her pickles, but I personally believe cauliflower ruins everything it touches. Feel free to use it if you want.

**Use the lesser amount of salt if you omit the cauliflower.


And once you're done, enjoy staging them in weird poses for your blog. WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Chow

Ah Chow. When I was a kid, it was my favourite condiment; my Mom says I used to sit with a spoon and eat it straight from the jar. Even when my tastebuds turned and I decided I hated chow (and wtf, younger self) I still loved the smell of it cooking. The sweet, sharp tangy scent would fill the house; it's a scent that is indelibly imprinted with the best feelings of home: comfort, succor, warmth. That's probably the main reason I make chow now that I've moved away - to recreate that feeling in my own home.

But just what the hell IS chow, Melissa? I'm sure some of you are asking. Well hopefully some of you are asking, otherwise I'm just talking to myself. Legions of fans, the answer is thus: it's a sweet, tangy green tomato preserve. And fellow babies, it is GOOD. Especially tasty with fish and pork, you'll definitely want to serve this with some bread to soak up all the saucy goodness. And if you're watching your weight, use this instead of butter on your potatoes - I guarantee you won't miss the butter, and that's probably the only time I'll ever say that. Chow makes simple food into something stellar. It's just the shit, that's all that needs to be said.

And it's easy as all get out to make, and is very adaptable to the individual palate. For instance, my mom, who wouldn't thank you for an onion, makes hers with more onions than tomatoes (yeah, I don't know). Personally, I like it with a lot of red peppers. Everything is up to you - rock out with your chow out.

To start, slice some green tomatoes into medium thick slices. I got my tomatoes from Mom's garden, but they should be easy to find in a farmer's market or something similar this time of year. I make a batch that's big enough to fit my ginormous stock pot (yay Paderno blowout sales!), and I used about 2 dozen. Mom said to use a peck. I have no idea what a peck is.


Cover them with a couple of handfuls of COARSE salt, and let sit overnight. I didn't have any on hand, so I used kosher salt and that worked fine. Just don't use regular table salt; it's too fine. The salt will bring the water out of the tomatoes and help preserve them, so don't skip this step.

The next day, drain the water and rinse the buggers out a couple of times. Then, add vinegar until the tomatoes are just covered. Next, add your onions, peppers, Pickling Spices, and 4-5 cups of sugar (for a big batch). It sounds like a lot sugar, but this makes a serious amount of food. I like my chow on the tangy side, so I use 4 cups. Mmmmmm, PUCKER UP! Let it simmer 3-4 hours, or until the tomatoes are good and soft. I got a little more than 10 500ml jars out of this batch.

See? There she is, all done! Looks good, right? RIGHT? Right.


Freaked out by canning? Don't be. Here's something I find in today's world: people over-complicate things. If you read the net, you'll find all sorts of canning instructions telling you to buy a sterilizer, canning apparatus (apparatii?), tongs for sterilizing, water baths, blah blah blah. That's a foolproof way of having safe preserves, hands down. But I'm lazy, so here's how it's been done in my family for at least 100 years (seriously): Fill the mason jars when the chow is hot, screw the lid on tightly, and let 'er sit for a few hours. The heat of the chow will seal the jars shut, and in fact, you'll hear the lids start popping over the next few hours. Press down on the lid: if it pops back it's not sealed. If a lid doesn't pop, eat that one first. Simple. Easy. Miraculously, we're all still alive.

So don't freak out, make this chow, eat it with gusto, and welcome in the fall!

CHOW

2 dozen green tomatoes (give or take)
coarse salt
3 lbs white onions
3 large red peppers
White vinegar
4-5 cups white sugar
3-4 tbsp pickling spices

1. Slice tomatoes in rounds, about medium thickness. Place them in a large stockpot and cover them with 2 handfuls of coarse salt, which will bring out the water in the tomatoes. Note: do NOT use regular table salt! Cover, and let sit overnight or until reduced by half. When the ratio of tomatoes to water is almost equal, they are ready.

2. Drain water from tomatoes. Rinse well a couple of times so they aren't too salty, but you definitely don't want to remove all the salt.

3. Add enough vinegar to just cover the tomatoes.

4. Slice onions into rounds and chop red peppers in a small dice. Add to pot. Tie up pickling spices in some cheesecloth, and add to pot. Add 4-5 cups sugar, and give the whole thing a quick stir.

5. Put pot on stove and cook at a very low simmer for 3-4 hours, or until tomatoes are good and soft. Immediately place the hot chow into glass jars and seal; you'll hear them self-sealing over the next bit. Refrigerate opened jars, and enjoy!



I like this picture. The chow looks like it's kinda hanging out there, doesn't it? Streetwalker chow!